What A Shame

I do not write for this generation. I am writing for other ages. If this could read me, they would burn my books, the work of my whole life. On the other hand, the generation which interprets these writings will be an educated generation; they will understand me and say: ‘Not all were asleep in the nighttime of our grandparents.’

Jose Rizal


i sat at the corner
i didn’t care
the whole class were thrilled
the professor or rather a doctor
stood in front holding her lousy book
with her lousy clothes
with her lousy hair
lousy smile and of course a
lousy make up
i remembered a middle age
hosted a Tupperware party
in my aunt’s house


“what are you doing?” she said.
i was surprised. She used to have a lousy shrill
too. ” Mr Herbert, may I have your attention for one
hour or else you will be standing here in front for the whole semester.”
I sat straight and looked at her. She already grinning.  “Where is your module?”
she got me there. I thought. Why would I bring that lousy module she authored. It look like she teach a grade schooler with the yellow cover book for kids.
“I forgot Ms L.”, of course her name doesn’t start for L and of course I wouldn’t tell her it stand for a million lousy of her.
“you had half a dozen of books on your desk and you  hadn’t take mine with you.”
” Foundation of Education. How much?” I said
and look already sideway toward the window.
” What did you say?”. She walked toward me.
Her cheek were red along with her eyes.
“How much?”
her face changed quickly to a friendly manner

” lets talk business after class.”

The whole class attention drift sleepily as she talked for another 45 minutes. My mind was outside
somewhere at the
somewhere far
and the foundation of education module
I know she copy-paste at uncle google
and put her name BIG at it and bragged, “i authored
lots of school book on this campus. And I’m a doctor.”
my fellow classmates i know and
classmates i only know with their faces
with their mannerisms
with their yawn
and grunts
whom i walked alongside in the corridor
sat in the cafeteria
and did not bothering to say hi
hardly held the book at their hand
to avoid a crease
that’s the last time i seen the lousy professor
dropped my subject under her
soon she said dismiss.
i walked out without looking at her face
what a shame
i wont forget those lousy day
freshman in college
an aspiring deanslist for the next semester
got a fail grade from a lousy mentor
she passed a failing grade at the registrar big time
intent and in broadway
a stain on my curriculum vitae
i decided to decorate it with lots of fail grades
college is much better
but i had to deal lots of people like her
people talk like her
people walk like her
people you taught
i think
i’ve seen Hitler
a Hitler
who took everything
even a penny on your trouser
even a candy bar on your shirt pocket
even your passion and even your dream
people who butcher
people who can kill in an instant
not physical but in one way or another
it took me ten years to finish college
it took me ten lonely years
but had no regret
read the book than listen to lies
one step at a time
you see
how strong you face the monster
the world had created
right at this moment
right at the chair
where i sat not long ago
another skeptics,
like me would say
“what the craft…. Is this
an insurance policy seminar?”


~ There are lots of good professor that I adored in my college.Those are my mentor who taught us unconditionally without asking in return.
Some are eaten by the cancerous system
maybe because of the great necessity in life or hardship they facing but its unfair to force everybody. it’s a free democratic country


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