How Much Longer I Could Take

How Much Longer I Could Take

sometimes
man should walk away
wave his trembled hand inside a
departing bus
while his son and daughter
hug their tiny hand around their mom
at the side of the terminal
looking with those eye of unbelief
he did it afterall
the world demanded him to leave
for good
he had too
to raise them
to provide their needs
to make their dream be realize

how many hours had gone
and now he sat on the bench
waiting for the plane arrives
it was the worst thing you ever witness
worst than the war of the 40’s
to earn for a living
even how hard on his part
there’s no day he had feel satisfy
there’s no chance he wouldn’t look at it
that scene rolling over and over on his mind

like a traumatized war hero
who had seen the bitterness of man’s wrath

I am like a man sitting on the mountain
looking into the world as a big prison cell
there is no difference between there
I won’t forgive myself why I did it
why I walked away
I always regret it
but this is not for me anymore
it’s for my kids and their future
I have to sacrifice myself turning in
on a crime I didn’t make
if it was
how much Longer I could take.

The Plague

zombie Outbreak

you have to cherish
what life you had right now
what if
you woke up one day
and you discovered
the world you had last night
isn’t yours anymore
even it remain it was
as it is
it never would be
all the people
the entire human race
had change
what if
the rumour are true
about the plague
about the people
wishes death
more than they want for life
and they hope
for a man who will shot
them on the head
they gladly embrace it
even if they doom
what if
it won’t work
the theory of man’s view
was all wrong
and you still long
for blood and flesh
with broken skull
and sputtered brain
what would you gonna do
you have a wife
a kids
and you need to protect them
you need to feed them
because you love them
what if
all you had plan
wouldn’t be realize anymore
you started to stay more and more
inside your house
bar the windows
lock carefully all the doors
as if the darkness inside
is far safer than going out
in the daylight
what if
your kids are crying
of starvation
would you let them die
with a single line
of tear on their cheek
because you love them
and you were afraid
you might get sick
when you went back
from the grocery store
your not you anymore

Old Truck

…

i felt i could grasp
with my own hand
the blue night sky
the warm weather
and the
inevitable silence
the moon had risen up
on a sleepy desert
the stars
the flickering light of cars
in the highway
the crane whose
suspending beam
hoisted in the air
the water tank
beside someone’s house
at the woodland
i alone
held my head high
in the desert
like a bird
awaiting to spread a wings
to fly
trying to understand
why
why God give us life
why He made us
on his own image
why we are here
in an
unrestless drifting
on this imperfect cage
we wanted things
that we think that make us happy
we wanted badly to have
something
that
someone said
you had to do something
to have something
to be something
so we could buy a new pants
something
so we could buy a new house
something
so we could buy a new phone
something
so we could buy a new car
something
so we could buy happiness
something
so we could buy a new life
after all
everything is just
foolishness
it just made us
wearisome
and
worry more
i don’t understand
all i felt
all
i could see
is
lies
and
the ugliness
all around
the shrubs and the trees
loom silently in the dark
little by little
vanish before my very eyes
the sands on my feet
where just
but an empty ground
the sound of a fading laughter
the whisper of the wind
on my ears
are all lies
everything are all lies
for the first time
i had this feeling of deep sadness
that i want to sob
a kind of
that you felt
that
a world
is an old car
that
it travel all alone
and we are just a lonely man
that had sat silently at the side
as a passenger
some of us had paid a good price
that
just came and went
really fast
some of us had a curse
that
had travel far and lonely
some of us had
standing all alone
waiting
for something
rather
than waiting
when
and
where
we reach
a place
that never last
a place
that
no one will die
anymore
of starvation
of
suffering
of
inequality
of
discrimination
of
misunderstanding
of
beating
of
grief
of
pain
i guess
we had to wait
patiently
to
a final rest stop
where our maker
held His open palm
at the other end
ready to hug
us tightly
and said
you are home son
you are home
and
i wont let you
go again
on that
Old truck.

My Other Life

don’t get mad if I overheared what
you two said
you never know me as I unto both of you
not a single chance that I will
just eavesdropping and keenly observed
your gestures and how you two behave
it was Christmas morning
i take it as gift
to jot all on the page
a yellow cab just stopped beside
your over sized body and nearly hit your angry face
the giant almost destroyed the front door of the car that
he slammed quick
as he sat
near beside the middle age driver who whistled
silently behind the wheel
you grunts and spit at the side window
perfect day you said
lowered my eyes and decided to mind my own business
opened the book of Paul T., my other life
almost already drown on the sentence I uttered quitely at the back sit.
some highschool students
doesn’t care all around. Fingered the keypad of
latest mobile at their hand and smiled, still eyes fixed on the
tiny minnie monitor. A young woman who kept looking at her watch and reached something on her
ear and laughed mirthfully covering her lips with her purse
what in the world was happening around
then you started singing on a deep bellowed voice
you smiling now on the front with an out of tune lullaby.
i be home this Christmas
the driver sung with you
i be home this Christmas
then the both of you laughed like kids
who seem to knew each other for a long time
i told the driver to stopped the car
and reached
my fare on his palm for the ride
the driver looked intently at the book on my palm
the front cover has picture of a man’s face
that wore a dark glass that intently looked
back on his face
he paused for a while and raised his eyes at me who intently wore a dark glass too
he cleared his throat and said
Merry Christmas
people walked briskly on this little city of mine
during this season with smile on thier faces
it’s still early morning and their merriment
hovered at the ceilings of the mall
pressed my white chef uniform and started to drift with them
It’s Christmas morning and i do not know
i be damn i said audibly.

God Only I Could Said Is God

6:30 in the evening
I went at the back at
The most deserted place in the camp
The sun was silent as I am
It slowly descended at the west
Red fiery disc
Wane in front

On my face
I told myself
God could you please
The very soil on my feet
The bushes that swayed
The wind kissed me on the cheek
The turnpike road where
The truck crawled in solitary mode
The endless desert sands
The highway on
The sky sketched by
The jet plane far above
Then me
Looking at the sun as it looked
Back on me
That it was gone
God its gone
As I said please
I still stood on my feet
The wind still blowing on the shade
My soul sung and dances
From the rhythm of the heat
As the dark gnawed its last trace
Hundreds of robins
Flew toward me
God
Only I could said
Is God.

”  The most beautiful thing ever happened on me here in kingdom of Saudi Arabia,
The sun setting in June. God, I missed home and my family “

That thing on the wall

why in the world
you lost it —

it always goes
that way
me talking to
someone —

staring the blank
wall
and nobody was in there —

it’s just me all alone —

it’s about a poem been stolen
not actually
I just left it on the bench —

the thing not quite
let go on my head —

even until then —

there’s a lot
in me that moment
the sky were perfectly clear
small tornado of summer breeze
as the size of a broomstick
fooling some dirt and
dead leaves
near the trash bin
lifting them into thin air
then loosen by the unseen grip
fell wildly back to the ground
tilted back upward
throwed sideward and
then abandoned on the fire side —

the way the dog bully some cat
in the alley
as the cat cried louder
the dog laugh harder and harder
and I walked away
went inside the library
open the bamboo dancers
gibb-er-ish
blubb-er-ish and gibber-ish —

and
it’s too late when I noticed
a brown envelope with
50 or more poetry
that I gibb-er-ish
blubb-er-ish
and gibber-ish on a
white pages
day and night —

twilight to dusk —

and —

yes —

somebody stole it on that bench
it wasn’t there
but an old empty chair —

finders keeper
did he say…
dirt bag —

how many times
some good draft of novel been
left on the bus
or a poem
pick pocketed by a pimp
on a crowded place
there’s a lot of tale
i heard of
and the owner can’t
have a normal life
there after
they keep on muttering
bugger bugger
buggery —

please be civil
okay
it might
just a trash
that if you finish reading it somewhere
don’t just
toss it aside
and said rubish
its all about me
after all —

a story i never told to anybody —

what I’m afraid of —

was —

hope the thing on the wall
that i kept on staring
doesn’t talk back
too loud —

coz —

nobody was in there —

it’s  just me
all alone.

” Back in college, I lost my poems on the bench and the one who’ve find it took it all and didn’t care to return it back to the owner and that’s me. I guess he or she threw it on the trash and said rubbish after reading.
Lol
For me…
Poetry is like a painting, a photograph, a sculpted masterpiece, opera composition. It was an art that you toil to create something beautiful even nobody care to read them.
Poetry is a piece by piece of who or what you are. It is the missing thing that makes your life complete. “

Hang Man’s Noose

I think this poem wasn’t for me though I talked about my what I call; Hard times in my life, its for my friend who hanged himself inside his own room one gloomy day two years ago. Wherever he was, I hope he figured out already what he did.
I just missed our kitchen chattery and butchery… Those days were the best.

Long Walk

Inside the room, where it been shutted,
Weak light came in from the dusty
Window. What color would a painter can do
Because outside, from its simpleness
The world wanted to peep how good it was
To live with the people around that you love
Yet somehow, men; that they do
Think, keep busy living or you keep busy dying.
Why, because
That’s the way it should be.
Some people were contented, grows old or be
Dead at fifty of pneumonia, after all,
They be forgotten.
Pretty sure
Maggots will eat their flesh turning it to dust
Life is beautiful and life is short in either way
People grieve when they felt they aren’t good enough
They locked themselves making their own obituary
Pick a hand gun or take a hang mans noose
Breaking the midnight silence of a sudden shot
A shriek of a love one wailing desperately
Why he was so naive, why in the world he did
Such foolishness as his lifeless body hanged
Like a crumpled shirt on the cabinet
As their lives shuttered to debris
They blame everything. They blame their cat
They blame thier
Friends then blame God.
Most of us, I think not all
Behave this way, but hey! Look outside
The world remain as it was
Air might begun  to breath calmer,
Trees turn in green gloss
Birds started to chirp down the orchard
The rivers on the mountain goes on and on
Hard times comes, no one could stopped it
They just passed and never stayed forever
Often they left scars
Of course, they were painful
I always said to myself. I guess,
No one ever heard my voice uttered it loudly
I walked under the rain while my tears  fallen
At the side of my cheek. I got mouth to fed
Bills to pay, how I finish my college
Then a miscarriage. An unborn child we dont expect
To leave us that quick
Made us miserably devastated
I felt sobbered when I think of those on the past
Best or worst who gives a shit. The pasted moon hid
Behind the dark cloud making the asphalt
Lost into sight, the splashed of my shoes
That delved on overflowed gutter
The anxious eyes from the stranger behind the
Wheel of a passing motorist.
Yet how I thank God
How toughed I became fighting daily
on this world of uncertain
One friend told me not long ago
I won’t be grow old. Hated to think I’m growing
older. I laughed and said don’t be a fool. He looked
pensively on the fire that brawled on the wok.
I’m a chef on a fast food owned by some Chinese
I didn’t met. Making a fire beneath my God given hand
To swirl some art on food for a hungry costumer
Who throwed an angry sneer on the food server.
Yes! I mean it.  He said then went outside.
I paused, maybe I cursed. He was my friend
And I
Don’t have much.
When I heard the news, it didn’t surprised me
I said damn or dumb I don’t recalled
He took his own life two years ago on his prime
That fool really mean what he said
Sure he did it pretty well
How can I say to him
When the storm is over a yellow orange ball
Will come out, emblazoned the land
Brighten the sleepless world, sipped the last traced of
Dew drops in the grass, eradicated the pang
Of unfair bleakness.The night will come
Then it soon be over as dawn approach
I could say,
I just did a long walked on that rainy day on the road

nameless bird

I just
Arrived
On this place
At my naivete
Certain thing
Caught my eye
Walked on the foot path
A bird like men do
New to me
I opened my head
Scribbling the words
What it was
The feather was sleek and black
As a night
A heron?
But it wasn’t
I opened my heart
Cannot see a single spark
Of light
Body and soul wandering in the dark
If it has
Decided it was
A nameless dove in the dirt
Stained by smoke of city sky
At dusk
That its yellow beck
Angling a rotten spoil
From a food box.

The Seeker

How many hours it take
if I walk from Raffle to Orchard
my stomach churned
I guess nobody knows me
if I did this walking in a sultry city
of Singapore
all my life, I’ve been a walker
there is a sense of freedom
doing it. I entered the dome
and gathered my eye inside
for it seem a bit dimmer
it was also happen to be a mall
reading some pasted papers on the wall
for a possible job offer but none
there are few paper back novels
laid on the table at the central hall
at fair price and I took one or two
the winner of David Baldacci
and a thick book insomnia by Steve King
there is a small resto at the side
no one had dine so I said
I could try and it’s perfect for me
I went inside and ordered
steamed-chicken with red sauce
topped on a white fluffy rice
along with green lettuce
red fruit juice of course
one of the cheapest so far
soon as the taste hit my tongue
I almost suffered a heart attack
fought my feeling to burst
the crew who had a Chinese eyes
asked if I came from Myanmar that
I almost laughed and said no
he went back to his counter
stood there watching at me with respect
I don’t deserve that I wanna say
as he hold on his butcher knife
with incredulous smile on his face
I snort secretly not to offend him
and consumed the food as fast as I could
or maybe I’m just hungry
when I’m done
I inserted a one dollar bill at the plate
walked fast so I couldn’t meet his eyes
thank you sir- he told me that I nod
what would be my next stop
it’s too early, of course to my secret

haven

bedok library was a two-story building
I read there most of the days
of my stay on the country
reading their history and literature
I’m so sorry, but you been rejected-
said by my e-pass agent that morning at his office
don’t be- but I preferred not to say though
I walked away and lost my interest
I do the best I can- he shouted at his Singlish accent
but I was on my way already
the road was on my mind
I think I whispered, shame on you-
life on this world
were like a gamble
you had to lay your best shot
lest you could say
I did or you did not
when it was dark
I started to walked back at HDB
it was a massive building hub to each other
cocoon of middle class occupants
local or foreigners. No one is outside
like you had this feeling of a banshee
the sky was inky black, only a flash of lightnings
sliced on it across
the way a knife swash-buckling
on an invisible enemy
the wind was colder and the loud boom
roared soon I step in the gate
shook the whole place
another day passed
fail or victorious taught me
how to be brave;

Shut Up

Have you ever tried
to write some story
I did but always abandoned it
well that’s sad
you better finish it
okay, okay? more than a nod.
at one sit, I harrowed 2500 words
I’m tired after an hour
there’s always tomorrow
opened a can of diet soda
watched some movie
then read. What a heck of a reader
6 books at a time
3 novels with two to five chapters
each of it daily
1 short story book, 2 poetry book
King James Bible, few
articles on fishing and some headlines
at Yahoo news
the next day, I continued the story
what a nice day
1600 words, not bad
then I did 15000 words
after a week, I’m grinning
what would it be, 85000 words at the
end of the year
suddenly something popped out
apps advertisement
oh c’mon, hit a delete icon
then decided to continue some draft
where was it
it’s gone, like a smoke in the haystack
it’s gone, cold bloody gone
15000 words and
vanished with some ads on the apps
it’s isn’t fair
foolish technology
do you still write
shut! up!
it’s sad
oh c’mon-
you better stop asking
tsk tsk
one word and I could yell
did I roll my eyes
when I said I call a cop
threw myself on the bed
after an hour
am snoring  and babbling.